That “feedback” the other coach gave you? That happens day-in and day-out at companies. Peers do it to you. Leaders do it to you. You’ve probably done it to someone else and it probably came from a good place. It usually does. Sometimes it doesn’t.
This whole experience is aptly termed, “micro-aggression”. Also known as, bullying.
I despise the term micro-aggression. Pre-pending “micro” diminishes the true, disruptive impact of these words and experiences.
At the end of the day, it’s bullying and discrimination.
I / we are not asking for less feedback, we’re not asking for sugar coating, we’re not asking for an easy pass to anything. We’re not asking for a golden ticket. We’re not asking you to avoid “triggering” us (I also despise that term).
As a side note – have you noticed this theme of rebranding vocabulary to diminish feelings?
We’re asking to be evaluated by the same rules, being held to the same requirements, being given the same number of opportunities to spotlight our work.
Ask yourself, the feedback you’ve given to a minority, when and how did you deliver the same message a non-minority? When someone was promoted, were they actually fit for the role? Did you perform your due diligence and ensure EVERYONE had a fair and reasonable attempt at this? Did you fight for them the way you’d fight for someone else? When was the last time, you truly advocated and sponsored a minority to take on leadership, take an opportunity, take a risk?
Are you feeling uncomfortable?
We want you, dear reader, to pause and really think, consider:
“What has this person already done to get here?”
“What can I meaningfully say (and do) to help them get better?”
“How much did they miss the mark and what can I do, to help them get there?”
“What can I do, to ensure the target DOES NOT move?”
“Was the target stationary when they took their shot?”
“What advantages have others had, that this person doesn’t?”
Challenge Accepted
My challenge has and always will be, showing that I belong, that I’m smart and capable enough.
My challenge is showing, to everyone that feeds that monster, I’m very capable of hitting that bullseye at 20 yards. Even if the target is moving. Even with scarcity.
The other challenge that goes unspoken, is helping show the path for others, illustrating how to start their own journey, equipping them with the knowledge, experience, and tools they need to forge a path for themselves.
Do you, accept the challenge of helping others?
This essay, while focused on the immigrant experience, isn’t meant to be divisive. As I mentioned earlier, we (EVERYONE) do this to each other, often. It’s particularly salient if you’re a minority.
Collectively, let’s do better. Let’s support each other, help each other be successful.
There’s that famous American euphemism, “Everyone gets their slice of pie!”
We shouldn’t use that anymore. Because, some of us don’t like pie (what the hell am I saying, I love apple pie!) but we don’t need to fight over a single dessert. Let’s share our ingredients, recipes, and make multiple deserts so everyone can enjoy.
Dear reader, I dare you.
I dare you to:
- Talk to me about everything I’ve written.
- Take action, advocate for someone you’ve never advocated for.
- Receive extremely uncomfortable feedback from an outsider.
- Understand how and why this feedback monster lurks.
- Understand how scarcity drives us.
- Acknowledge the work we do and are capable of.
- Push an opportunity for someone that truly deserves it.
In closing, I hope you:
- Are more aware of the minority, immigrant context.
- Understand how to wield your feedback so you don’t feed the monster.
- Take action to support, sponsor, and grow those around you.